Hello Kitty is only the beginning…

Eleven reasons our Features Editor (Bec) wants to turn Japanese...

(Check out the gallery HERE!)

So I just got back from Japan, and fellow patriots, there’s no easy way to break this to you: anything we can do, the Japanese can do better. I’m sorry. I can hear your indignant, nationalistic shrieks from here. So I’ve compiled a list of some of the ways the Land of the Rising Sun kicks our bronzed Aussie backsides. Just to rub the pain in.

1. Robot Vending Machines From The Future
My first night in Tokyo I walked onto the street, and jumped about a metre into the air when a nearby vending machine detected my scent and burst into frenetic song + epileptic light show. It really, really wanted me to buy a hot can of tea from its incandescent tummy. (You can purchase liquor, fried food, undies, porn and potted plants from vending machines over there.)

2. Wildly Creative, Incredibly Entertaining Game Shows
So I know that holidays are all about getting out and “seeing the country” – but some days I struggled to leave the hotel room. You’ll understand why after you watch this:

3. Wicked Engrish
It hurts, but the Japanese use English more beautifully than a lot of native English speakers. Sure, there are mistakes in it (can you imagine how bad an Aussie’s written Japanese would be?!), but the way Japanese people express themselves in our language is nothing short of divine. Consider the following streets signs (while remembering that Australia has very few street signs in Japanese).

4. Pure-Hearted Rollin’
One of the first things I saw when I arrived in Japan was a beautiful little old lady riding a bike, her groceries elegantly balanced in a basket. Then I saw a dad pedalling his kid around. Then I saw a bunch of super cute teen girls giggling while they rolled down a hill. Then I realised I was totally surround by bikes; both people riding them, and thousands of them parked outside buildings and train stations. And, get this, not one of them had a lock on it. NOT ONE! So not only do the Japanese get around in an earth-lovin’ fashion, but they’re not going to fleece the pink vintage ride you snared on ebay. That’s just how they roll.

5. The Hysterical Fairy Princess on Crack Fashion Genre (aka Harajuku)
“Damn you’ve got some wicked style” is Gwen Stefani’s verdict on Harajuku girls. The district is a hive of wild, expressive youth culture – within a ten metre radius you’ll find gothic Lolitas, punks, rockabillies, cartoon characters, dresses held together with kilos of plastic toys, kimonos teamed with army boots, lumberjack ballerinas, and a multitude of other ensembles that defy imagination. Find out more at this disorganised but funky blog: http://www.squidoo.com/harajuku

6. Sheer Randomness
Some things are so awesome they can’t be adequately described in words.

Throwing orange paint balls at criminals:

Bicycle valet vs the wind:


7. Teleportation (well, pretty close to it)
Tokyo makes an episode of “The Jetsons” look positively medieval. On my way to the city of 35 million (that’s six zeros), I was terrified that I’d spend the week sandwiched between strangers, unable to lift my arms in the intense crowds. Not True. Japanese public transport moves people so efficiently, it defies Western understanding. If the timetable says the train will arrive at 11.54, it will pull up as the clock ticks over to 11.54. And then another one will arrive at 11.56. And then your tardy Australian mind will boggle.

8. Naked Acceptance
I stayed in a cheapish traditional hotel in northern Japan, and our room didn’t have it’s own bathroom – to wash we had to go downstairs to a natural hot spring. There are two main rules when it comes to Japanese hot springs: 1). No bomb dives. 2). No bathing suits. That’s right. You gotta get totally nekkid. The weird thing is, it’s not that weird. Even when you’re standing there, totally rude, with an elderly Japanese woman teaching you how to swirl the piping hot sulphuric waters.

9. Tree-Hugging Religions
The Japanese worship nature, literally. In the Shinto religion every natural thing has a spirit, Pocahontas style. “So what’s up with the whaling?” you sneer self-righteously. Hear me out: The Japanese government hasn’t properly informed the Japanese public about its whaling activities. When Japanese citizens find out what’s going on, the vast majority of them are opposed to it. And how could they not be? This is a group of people who hike, snowboard and surf. They agonise over gardens, are willing to pay $50 for a beautiful rockmelon, and have the hardest environmental goals in the Kyoto Protocol. So nyah.

10. Midnight Rudie Drawings
If you miss the last train home, you can hang out in a 24 hour Manga Café drinking hot chocolates and reading dirty comics (for free) until the rail networks fire up again in the morning.

11. No Oldness or Fatness
It’s true. At 3 per cent, Japan has the lowest obesity rate in the world (Australia’s at 48 per cent). They also have the third best life expectancy at 81 years. This superhuman-ness is thought to be a result of their healthy food, regular exercise, and active minds. And I believe it: when I went skiing, I saw a fit old couple (they looked like they were in their sixties, but since they were Japanese, they were probably 102). The lady was skiing behind her husband so perfectly that they only made one set of tracks. Probably the sweetest thing I’ll ever see * sigh *

Throughout 2008 the Japanese government is offering scholarships for Aussie teens to travel to Japan FOR FREE. (Such a steal. My trip cost $4k.) Contact AFS Intercultural Exchanges for more info: www.afs.org.au