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Losing your virginity is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make...

By Tania Gomez

*Names have been changed

Deciding to have sex for the first time is a major moment for any girl. It's an important step so it's only smart to be fully informed before you take the plunge.

Losing your virginity is a one-time thing, and it's not something that you can rewind or erase once it's happened. So take the time to think it through, and arm yourself with as much info as you can...

First time sex stories

Everyone's experiences with losing their virginity will be entirely different. Some will feel they made the right choice, some felt rushed, and some unfortunately regretted it afterwards... Here some GF readers got honest and talked to us about their first time:

"It's my one and only regret"
"I lost my virginity about a month ago and I'd say it's my one and only regret. I'm 16, he was 20 and we knew each other for three days. I was drunk and it was in the back of his ute. At the time I really wanted to do it, but I think I was so into his good looks that I forgot about his player rep. And that's exactly who he is. I never heard from him again after that night. The one thing I'm really annoyed about is that all my friends knew he was an idiot but no one told me! I was so angry with myself. I haven't had sex since coz I'm scared I'm going to get hurt again. I would do anything to get my virginity back."
Charlotte*, 16

"I didn't realise it was such a big deal"
"I had been dating my boyfriend for about two months, when I first had sex. All my friends had been having sex with their boyfriends, and I felt like he was "the one". I was scared when I knew what we were about to do and it was extremely awkward trying to figure out how to do it.

Afterwards I was disappointed. For me it wasn't anything special, and didn't feel good at all. When we decided to have sex I felt like it was the right thing to do because I thought I was in love and he had told me he loved me. Within a month he told me that it wasn't going to work out between us, and it was over.

I look back at that relationship and my first time, and really wish that I had waited. I didn't take into concern that losing your virginity is actually a really big thing." Kathryn*, 17

"I felt I was ready"
"I've recently had sex for the first time and parts of the whole experience was weird and emotional, but it was partly exciting too. The act itself was how I expected it to be, but the physical feeling wasn't. I thought it would hurt, or I wouldn't like it, but I actually quite enjoyed sex. It was all the thinking and reasoning afterwards that made me incredibly confused.

Throughout the day, I was fine except for some disbelief at what had happened. I felt like I had done the most terrible, shameful thing in the world and could not stop the tears. The next day, I woke up feeling alright. The shock had worn off. I tried to push the negative thoughts out of my head, and said to myself that as long as I myself had wanted it (and I did), and my relationship with my boyfriend (who is a long term boyfriend) did not change, I was okay. I have to admit, a lot of the time I'm still worried with "Did I do the right thing or not?" But I don't regret it - it was with a long-term boyfriend that I love, and I actually did feel ready."
Alexandra*, 15

Losing your virginity according to a...

Psychologist
GF's resident adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg says the psychological impact of the loss of virginity for a girl will vary depending on age, circumstances, previous sexual experience and the sensitivity of her partner...
Having a great support network is also said to help a lot. Research shows that frequent parent-child discussions about sex and its dangers may prevent risky sexual behaviour. Dr Carr Gregg also stresses that it's important to remember that you shouldn't base your decision on your friends. Studies have shown that you're 2.5 times more likely to have sex by year 9 if you think your friends are having sex - whether or not they really are.

Doctor
Dr Sally Cockburn says that first time sex can often be awkward, nerve-wracking and conducted in less than ideal environments. However as long as you are ready and feel safe with your partner then sex will be something that will improve over time. To make the first time more relaxed she advises to be sure you're completely ready, use contraception (condoms are the only type that will protect against STIs) and don't be afraid to talk to your partner about your sexual expectations, wants and fears.

Body expert
Bessie Bardot has written several books dealing with body matters and she says that "in most cases you first time will hurt a bit and there's a chance you might also bleed (so have a tampon or pad ready). Because of the bleeding the guy will probably find out you were a virgin so you might want to tell him before you start. Have a joke with him so he knows your feeling powerful like "Hey this is my first time so you'd better make it good!" will get the message across."

Making the choice

It's a major decision, and there are some important things to think about. Your losing your virginity thought checklist should include:

1. Am I ready?
Be totally honest with yourself - only you can decide you're ready to have sex or not. Bessie says, "it's your body and your sexual experience and it can shape how you feel about sex in the future, so you're in control."

2. Is he the right guy?
No matter how hot you think he is beforehand, first time sex with a guy you barely know can leave you feeling extremely confused/disappointed/upset afterwards. Make sure the guy is someone you trust and who will make the experience a positive one.

3. Why am I doing this?
Deciding to take the plunge based on peer pressure is a recipe for disaster. Your friends, and even your boyfriend should not influence your decision. Be honest with yourself. If you're doing it for reasons other than your own, then think twice.

4. What are my expectations?
Bessie notes that "if you've chosen your guy and you're waiting for the perfect moment: with the right music, lights etc, just know few things in life are ever perfect. So rather than stressing out over perfection be spontaneous and have fun. Sex doesn't have to be this super serious thing. Have a laugh, talk a little bit and keep the connection there."

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Disclaimer: Information on this page is not intended to replace a visit to your GP for any medical concern. The age of consent is 16 years old. If a guy has sex with a girl who isn't at least 16 years old it is illegal.

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