This month's issue comes with a bonus nail kit!

Hey ladies,

So it’s Feb. A.k.a. the month that houses the most terrifying day of the year: V-Day. Do you love? Hate? Fear it more than a snake/spider/shark superbeast? I swing violently between the two extremes. Just got my ass dumped? Clearly, Valentine’s Day is for idiots. Happily loved up? It’s the most amazing day of the year, obviously. But even when I’m being a hater, I secretly love it. Especially through the years I spent single (approximately 98.75 per cent of my high-school life). Coz there’s always that little bit of hope that, maybe, this year will be the year you get a note left in your locker. I know, I know, I’m a total mush ball. And perhaps as karmic punishment for this, my boyfriends have always been allergic to the day: “Blah blah, commercial, blah blah, expensive.” Yes, I KNOW that half-wilted rose would have been a quarter of the price at any other time of the year, but I don’t care! I want a half-dead rose, dammit!

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In truth, I’d settle for a wilted weed from the neighbour’s garden, but somehow, people who say V-Day is silly just make me want to celebrate it more. Me, bratty? Whatevs. Just write me a card or scrawl a note on a serviette. I don’t even care if you used it beforehand.

Hanging out in Hawaii with Billabong

But that’s one of the many things I’ve learnt about guys over the years. They hate Valentine’s Day. They also hate gladiator sandals, which I really don’t get. But for any guys reading this (that’s you, my dear brothers), here’s a nugget of wisdom: it doesn’t take much to impress us. A bit of thought, some deodorant… and bam! You have me. You don’t need fireworks or string quartets, or castles made from cheese (but, umm, if you do that I’ll actually marry you).

NEED BOY ADVICE, OR JUST WANT TO PERVE? HEAD HERE

Got the most awesome gift from superstar intern Wendy... and just when i thought i couldn't love Coco Mademoiselle anymore i discover a handbag size!

In fact, I made a list of things that impress girls. And by “girls” I mean me. Just to prove how easy it is.

Acknowledge V-day: We’re smart – we get it’s overpriced. But you can’t pretend the love-heart piñatas aren’t happening around you. Even if it’s a “Happy V-Day” on a post-it, you’ll score major brownies.

Wear shoes: OK, that’s actually just for my brother. Please wear shoes. Not just on special occasions, but always.

Tell me I look nice: It goes like this – on a date you say I look nice, thus acknowledging the fact that I spent at least two hours choosing this outfit and the perfect shade of gloss for you, even though I will scoff and say, “Oh, I just threw this together.” We both know this is a lie, but if you don’t say it, I feel cheated.

Handwrite me a note: Even if it’s only once in our entire courtship, even if it’s on a chewy packet, I will treasure that piece of scrap forever. Some things just can’t be translated in text.

Appear interested in what I’m saying: Even if I’m talking about how freaking cute my niece is. This is part of the game. I, in turn, will act very interested in your Xbox games, and even learn the name of your football team. I’m a sharer, I am.

If I cook, pretend you like it: In fact, if I cook for you, you should pretty much marry me, even if it was just a toastie, because this means I really, really like you. I don’t cook for anyone.

Love, and non-cliché V-Day gifts,

My fave main fash yet. Can i get an awwww?

Let me know what you think of the new issue at: girlfriend_editor@pacificmags.com.au.

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